Not What I Wanted to Write About Today

 

Today my brother’s/my car got repossessed. I have been staying at my dad’s for the past two days so that I can have a quiet place to study for finals and it was outside of this old familiar house that I discovered the car gone this morning. I went out for an early run before I had to drive back home, take care of other things, and decompress, and when I was running back along the street that my dad lives on I didn’t see my car. It has become a semi-ritualistic thing that I do when I have reached the final stretch of the run, and I see my car, I sprint towards the finish line. The car has become a beacon of home. It is comforting because it feels like I have accomplished something once I finally make it back and a moment of reprise is waiting. But when I did not see the old Nissan Pathfinder I thought at first that I had turned onto the wrong street, which isn’t entirely out of the realm of possibility because it was just the other day that I had done just that. I ran back to the street sign and it registered in my mind that I had not been wrong, I had not turned too early, and then I began to think that my stepmother must have moved the car for some reason. But once I was inside the house I asked her right away where the car was and she had a blank expression. I first thought that maybe someone had stolen the car but I couldn’t understand why anyone would want to steal this car, and then we finally realized what had happened: repossession.

IMAG3880
My brother and I inside of the car months prior to repossession

On top of the morning excitement, today I also had court for a ticket I got a month ago on the car in question. The registration was past due and I did not have insurance at the time I was pulled over, and now I was meant to take care of a ticket for a car that I no longer had possession of. It felt both ironic and symbolic. Court was not as terrifying as I thought it would be and everyone was kind. I always operate under the assumption that the people at the DMV and in the courthouse are hard souls that deal with a lot of difficult people so that the people who work there become hardened in response. Everyone I have ever dealt with has been kind and thorough, shattering my assumptions every time.

Despite all of the different stressful elements of the day, I am mostly concerned about all of the books that I left in the back seat of the car, along with my wallet (but mostly the books). My eyes feel swollen as if I have been crying all day, but I know this isn’t the case. There was a decent show of tears this morning after the initial shock, but now that it has passed it is just moving on from here. I am not sure what to do, but this is just a moment in time and everything will come together again (sometimes it is just frustrating feeling like you are constantly being pulled apart).

What was your day like? Anything shocking happen?

J.

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