Not What I Wanted to Write About Today


Today my brother’s/my car got repossessed. I have been staying at my dad’s for the past two days so that I can have a quiet place to study for finals and it was outside of this old familiar house that I discovered the car gone this morning. I went out for an early run before I had to drive back home, take care of other things, and decompress, and when I was running back along the street that my dad lives on I didn’t see my car. It has become a semi-ritualistic thing that I do when I have reached the final stretch of the run, and I see my car, I sprint towards the finish line. The car has become a beacon of home. It is comforting because it feels like I have accomplished something once I finally make it back and a moment of reprise is waiting. But when I did not see the old Nissan Pathfinder I thought at first that I had turned onto the wrong street, which isn’t entirely out of the realm of possibility because it was just the other day that I had done just that. I ran back to the street sign and it registered in my mind that I had not been wrong, I had not turned too early, and then I began to think that my stepmother must have moved the car for some reason. But once I was inside the house I asked her right away where the car was and she had a blank expression. I first thought that maybe someone had stolen the car but I couldn’t understand why anyone would want to steal this car, and then we finally realized what had happened: repossession.

My brother and I inside of the car months prior to repossession

On top of the morning excitement, today I also had court for a ticket I got a month ago on the car in question. The registration was past due and I did not have insurance at the time I was pulled over, and now I was meant to take care of a ticket for a car that I no longer had possession of. It felt both ironic and symbolic. Court was not as terrifying as I thought it would be and everyone was kind. I always operate under the assumption that the people at the DMV and in the courthouse are hard souls that deal with a lot of difficult people so that the people who work there become hardened in response. Everyone I have ever dealt with has been kind and thorough, shattering my assumptions every time.

Despite all of the different stressful elements of the day, I am mostly concerned about all of the books that I left in the back seat of the car, along with my wallet (but mostly the books). My eyes feel swollen as if I have been crying all day, but I know this isn’t the case. There was a decent show of tears this morning after the initial shock, but now that it has passed it is just moving on from here. I am not sure what to do, but this is just a moment in time and everything will come together again (sometimes it is just frustrating feeling like you are constantly being pulled apart).

What was your day like? Anything shocking happen?



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